Do we define 'infidelity' ourselves

Question

I think we do, but it's a strange idea unless we think of it as passing rules, quasi laws, for ourselves, and that may go against the tenor of what it means for us (no joke intended, I"m monogamous and good at that): it seems more like lying, and it's not obvious that we define 'lying', only make room for speech that may be false but isn't meant to deceive.

If I tell my sexual partner they are e.g. not allowed to act on sexual fantasies, for others, in any way, as opposed to not consenting to sex with others, and so on ('don't fall in love'), then I am in some sense giving a stricter definition of infidelity, but is my partner engaging more/less in infidelity if they act that way?

It's that strange interface between personal/private lives and the publicness of ethics.

Answer 1

To the title question - only in the seldom-used sense of failing to meet a system of reciprocal obligation, e.g. in which your nonsexual business partner might have committed an act of infidelity by making a big purchase without asking for your input.

People set up systems of reciprocal obligation themselves. Actions are what they are. Some actions are wrong in themselves. Some actions are wrong because they violate agreed-upon systems of reciprocal obligation. Symbolic representations (words and definitions) are relevant only because they are useful for communicating expectations.

The example in the second paragraph seems like it might fall within the conventional set of cultural expectations with which a lover is expected to conform, not a special expectation that people would have to set up for themselves.

Answer 2

Reciprocity is a virtue of relationships, but I agree with the accepted answer, that infidelity has a meaning according to how others understand us, with the caveat that we can be wrong about how others see us etc..

Quite what that has got to do with purity and chastity, is anyone's guess, though slowly forcing someone into an open relationship, through your own infidelity, is a little... well, you better bring a happy life to the table.

Answer 3

It just comes back to how "wrong" a behaviour is. If I have sex with my wife's mother while my wife is pregnant, that is a lot worse than using porn. Does a a prior explicit agreement I won't make infidelity worse? Presumably so.

Just as, without an agreement, or rather an agreement you will, an "open relationship" may be classed as infidelity to some (just without the deceit), even-though permitted by the other person.

It's just language games

Wittgenstein argued that a word or even a sentence has meaning only as a result of the "rule" of the "game" being played. Depending on the context, for example, the utterance "Water!" could be an order, the answer to a question, or some other form of communication... words have meaning depending on the uses made of them in the various and multiform activities of human life

Personally, I don't, and never will, do open relationships, nor infidelity, with either sex or gender, and would leave months between a clear and reciprocal breakup and having sex again. That doesn't make me any better set to define 'infidelity'.