I'm scared of life too much.
What will happen after this life ends? Even in this life, what is happening? Are we just some animals who have higher consciousness and are interacting with each other? What is meaning, anyway, and what does it means to have a meaning? What is life without a meaning if that's the case. It's just too... Hard.
If God is there, where did God come from? What is our purpose from him? If he is not, what are we?
Looking at the future of life, people just want us to constantly work. Only the human with highest potential is going to go forwards and to what end are we moving forwards?
AI seems to be making human effort obsolete forever. So then, what's out purpose? What's the worth of a life lived? Is there any worth to a life lived? I do have goals and things that I want to do, but they are all rigged too. What happens after I die? All the dreams and goals I was working on are all gone. What was the point of them? There is no point.
It feels like I'm just forcefully manipulating myself to live a life.
It feels like every step is rigged. There is a fear of death all the time. Humans are manipulated to pursue money to live. We live directed by other humans who are above us, or we can become one of them. This present and future seems very disturbing.
The philosophy of life is likewise disturbing. It's too weird. We often can live to care for our inner child of the past or we can live for our parents.
Nothing seems like a sufficient argument for me to strive for living life. I don't know if I have knowledge or if I'm just stupid. Maybe I'm both. This Hedonism and Charvaka pursuit of life is good when you have something already, but not as beneficial when you have to make something for your own self.
I don't know then purpose for which to sacrifice or hard work. what's the reason for me to live or exist?