In my opinion the correct way on approaching a person which is doing something wrong is to judge their behavior, rather than them as a person. Compare for instance:
Option A: John you are an absolute idiot, how the **** do you drive like that?!?!?
Option B: John, your driving is really making me mad, I really hate the way you drive...
Option A condemns the person because of an act that can be changed or improved, even potentially saying they have "profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers" by calling them an idiot:Meaning
This fact especially hurts if it is lie (a person with no retardation for example) and even more if the person has deep rotted child traumas.
Option B - Here the problem isn't John, it is his behavior, his way of driving. Even if John is a really bad driver, it is something that can be changed. Most likely John is somewhere aware of that , but it is certainly easier to accept and change that, than being an idiot or person of low IQ and reasoning skills.
In the last few months some people told me to stop judging them. I took it really hard, but it was the truth. I have hurt those people. I began to change, and I tried to communicate problems in the manner of B.
However, the same persons who gave me this advice started judging me. When I came to them with it the responded with a burst of accusations and judgements (like A).
My profession is programming, but somehow I quickly grasp the concepts of "programmed" human behaviors. However, I am not a professional in this field. I would like to know if my conclusions and reasoning is correct from the physiology/philosophy aspect. Somewhere deep down I have the feeling that I see the truth correctly, and again deep down I want to know the truth, even if it means I have a wrong way of thinking.