This may be less of an answer than a defense of the question -- I like @AlexanderSKing and I consider him more brave than misinformed. My own reaction is exactly @Oliver's, and I don't intend to compete with him.
The question leaves out a very important complicating factor. There really are three players in the game here. Framings of gay identity, transgender understandings and different kinds of feminism all compete to shape our assumptions about gender in definite and permanent ways. In the process, they all step on one another's toes to one degree or another. Pretending they all happily get along lies somewhere between posturing and wishful thinking. Here is one cycle of conflicts that have yet to be reconciled.
It is primarily the stability of the understanding upon which the broader society has accepted gay culture that relies strongly on gender roles being largely socially constructed, with inborn nature not matching the social construction. Feminism only gains from this perspective when women want a chance to play men's roles, not when they want to be valued for themselves and truly integrated into an equal society that acknowledges the full range of natural behaviors.
Feminism focussed on the latter: increasing the real social value of women as they already contribute to society, without becoming any more like men, also exists. And it contains branches that adopt basic gender differences traceable to physical differences as a positive fact we have not yet adequately valued. (E.g. Dianic Witches and the likes of Christina Hoff-Summers) We have never truly cultivated natural female (or male) nature because we have overlayed it with a bias toward the demands of social roles. To my mind they are right, but this returns certain gay men to the position of being inadequately male at a basic level.
The casualties of this conflict turn to history and identify a historical trend of maintaining a 'psychologically hermaphroditic' sex or 'third gender' of effeminate males, often as a marked variety of priest, and often placing them in the roles of confessor, arbitrator or ambassador. (E.g. , "The Zuni Two-Spirit" a' la Ambassador We'Wha, the Hermaphrodyte imagery in Alchemy, half of all Marian Orders of Franciscan Priests.)
Transgender advocates can just look at that and accuse those men of being self-hating transgendered individuals who cannot own their identity because they have been afforded a place due to male privilege.
Other gay men obviously don't want to see a contingent of people who would rather identify with them rather than apart from them further degraded by what they see as aggressive political correctness. So they more strongly cling to the notion that all of this is about other people trying to impose an identity on them. They often go too far with this, to the degree that they deny the validity or extent of claims about intersexual/intergender identity.
And around and around we go...
Dynamics like this are real and matter to those trapped in them. So having outsiders point them out is not a horrible thing that needs to be beaten away with a stick.