I see something for example like living for others or trying to change the world (in a non-violent way) is an genuine meaning to life,however i'm not obsessed with these meanings that i see rational. What i want to suggest is that, we exist in two psychological states, either depressed or obsessed. The so-called "normal" majority are just as obsessed as maniacs, but they are obsessed with cultural dogmas and projects. The question is not are you obsessed or not, it's how many people agree with and accept your obsession or how common is it? What i mean is that, one should have faith in something to be free from despair. Unfortunately for me, i reject any cultural view. Now i need to have an alternative sustaining life project, for my despair to end. I know that Camus did not have any possibility or hope, and in the same time, he was not depressed as i am. But what i m advocating here, is that he should have made something out of his dreadful realizations, some concept or dogma that sustained him, as for example writing books and telling about his findings. It's like saying his dogma was "reject all dogmas". It was superficially anti-dogmatic but down deep it was as any dogma. Unfortunately for me also, this doesn't work for me. Offcourse, there are people who are happy without being obsessed about something, here's where pleasure comes to action: as Leo Tolstoy, in his book "A Confession" (in which he describes his existential crisis), noticed that there are a majority of people that relay on pleasure rather than faith. Unfortunately, pleasure is not a solution for me.
-Question: How can i become obsessed with some meaning to life that i find rational?
-Problem: I think this is what kierkegaard meant by "Belief" and "Faith": The belief is me believing that X is a rational meaning to life.The faith is the obsession with the belief. But the problem is that "Faith is a matter of grace", it's a random thing that man can't choose or reach by himself.