My best guess would be Oscar Wilde's "The soul of man under socialism", because it ticks off most of the things you mention.
and at last we have had the spectacle of men who have really studied the problem and know the life – educated men who live in the East End – coming forward and imploring the community to restrain its altruistic impulses of charity, benevolence, and the like. They do so on the ground that such charity degrades and demoralises. They are perfectly right. Charity creates a multitude of sins.
the altruistic virtues have really prevented the carrying out of this aim. Just as the worst slave-owners were those who were kind to their slaves, and so prevented the horror of the system being realised by those who suffered from it, and understood by those who contemplated it, so, in the present state of things in England, the people who do most harm are the people who try to do most good"
But any of the writers about Ressentiments could also fit your description.
Then several religious texts talk about the virtue of giving anonymously to avoid humiliating the receiver, but don't mention fearing the receiver. An example is the eight degrees of charity by Moses Maimonides