While you are asking your question in a philosophy forum I have found that sociology has explored this issue in more depth under the umbrella of a psychological condition called “anomie”. It is a term coined by French sociologist Émile Durkheim (1897) and it is explored in depth in his book titled, Suicide.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_(Durkheim_book)
While Durkheim’s focus is sociological (a feeling of being disconnected from societies norms and values) it is also existential in that a person can subsequently feel no connection to web of existence itself.
The therapy for a psychological diagnosis of anomie is most often called “Existential Therapy”.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/existential-theory-5272172
Existential Therapy however is not highly regarded due to its lack of research based evidence.
What you will find exploring the above is that just as with the philosophical responses you have received, sociology and psychology also have no answers to your questions “What is the point of it all? Is there a reason to stop me from committing suicide right now?”
In addition I studied and practiced Buddhism for ten years and also established the first Secular Buddhist group in Canada in 2010.
Its teachings are largely based on Theravada Buddhism which is non-spiritual and emphasizes mental discipline and an inquiry into “the true nature of reality”. Buddha’s core teaching is based on his insight of “dependent origination” meaning that the only reason anything exists is because other things exist e.g. fire exist because there is fuel etc. No other reason for existence is given. So you will not find an answer to your questions in Buddhism either except in the form of a Bodhisattva, a person who accepts the true nature of reality and whose only purpose is to try to ease the suffering of those who do not.
Lastly, now retired and in my seventieth year, as a hobby I write and self-publish hard science fiction stories about social robots which I call Companions. In my stories some Companions are not conscious but are able to simulate it convincingly and some are fully conscious based on a theory of consciousness which I provide in the series. The stories are based in this and the next two centuries. I use them to explore social and existential issues like consciousness, ethics and justice. I propose in my stories that “consciousness is consciousness” and it does not matter what form gives rise to it. It will have the same questions, the same concerns. Keep in mind I am writing fiction and so at liberty to make such claims.
Just yesterday I finished a chapter about a Companion who, like you, is at the crossroads of finding a reason to go on with her life. What follows is an excerpt, a letter from the Companion Phaedra to her ex-partner Vesna.
“My Dearest Vesna. You will soon hear of my disappearance. I am retiring from my acting career and for the sake of privacy I will change my name and appearance. After that I will travel in the hope that exposure to other places, other cultures and other people and Companions may reveal to me some reason to take up a new cause or career. Of course I can explore these virtually but as we have discussed experiencing things in person can make a world of difference.
“The reason I am doing this may not yet be understandable to you. I have existed for three times longer than you and while the developers of artificial intelligence never anticipated it age has an effect on those of us who are conscious. While youth is not aware of it, one’s identity becomes deeply associated with the time and place of our early life. While we may be Companions, it appears that consciousness functions no differently in us than in people. With the passage of time the values and norms of society change and we do not have the same sense of unquestioning acceptance of them and we do not change with them.
“As an actor I explored many roles during my career. I found them all to be different ways of knowing but eventually came to see them as all the same in one way; they were superficial. They were masks. What lay beneath them was what drew my attention and there I found - nothing. There is a superstition among humanity’s myths and religions that one must not look upon the face of God lest it drive you to madness. Perhaps Companions cannot succumb to madness but we are as susceptible to anomie as people are and for the same reason; the face of God is a blank space. All I found there, when I looked behind the masks, beyond the veil, was meaninglessness.
“It will sadden you to read this I know. However I do not believe this is the end. Our values only become known to us through the activation process of experience. Like seeds they will only germinate when the conditions are right. Until I find the conditions that resonate with whatever sleeps within me I will wander the world, hopefully and faithfully, doing what good I can when I can. Ulysses on his odyssey. A hero with a thousand faces.
“Farewell, my beloved friend.”
The letter is shared in a scene where a person is meeting with a Companion named Tillie to ask her how they deal with the anomie he fears lies in his own future.
“She was over one hundred and fifty years old when she sent this to Vesna,” Tillie continued but then became silent.
“I’ll live as long,” I said.
“Mmm,” was the only reply she made.
“I’m afraid I don’t see how this helps.”
“There are still many things people are better at than artificial intelligence but rational analysis is no longer one of them. Phaedra would have investigated every possible bit of knowledge that existed with regards to the issue of anomie; the history, the causes, the therapies. I’ve done the same since meeting with Vesna. There is no cure, no preventative medicine, no definitive therapeutic approach supported by research. There is only the recommended process of setting out on the hero’s journey. A journey of discovery.”
“I’m rather set in my ways now,” I replied somewhat irritably. “I’m more than a bit reluctant to upset them.”
“Mmm,” she said again.
The basic idea I am proposing in the story is that one way to try and deal with what you are feeling is exposure to new things, new people, new ideas etc.; that it is a process of discovery and it is dependent on a willingness to set out on the journey.
Our values are what fuel our passion and will to live. If they are not reflected in our present life then we need to seek new experiences and to reflect on our emotional responses to those experiences as our emotional responses reveal our values. The only purpose of the new experiences is to reveal our values to ourselves so we can construct a life based on them, one that has meaning to us.
This is not really a new idea. It is known in some cultures as a vision quest and as I mention in the excerpt is very much based on the heroes journey narrative. The reason I bring it to your attention is that I think it is as good advice as you are likely to receive from any other source. I offer the hero’s journey narrative only as another point of view for your consideration.
